You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
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