If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
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