Swine flu. Run for my life!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
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I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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