hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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