"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
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Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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