You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
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Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
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Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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