I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
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He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
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She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
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