That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
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