And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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