Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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