God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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