so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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