I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
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I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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