I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize