I didn't shave. On purpose
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
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you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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