I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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