I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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