I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
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Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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