I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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