hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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