Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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