Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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