Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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