I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
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He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
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I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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