I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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