just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
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Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
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Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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