I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize