I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
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The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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