the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
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I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize