My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
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That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
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She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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