Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize