No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
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Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
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we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
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