i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize