things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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