Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize