Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
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He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
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My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
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