Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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