a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
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