can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
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Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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