I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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