he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
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Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
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