If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
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boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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