I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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