Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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