Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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