I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
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