pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize