I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
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The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
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He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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