I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize