Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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